It started innocent enough: the kids and i were driving back from an awesome Hanukkah. Some jerky in an A4, without his headlights on, was merging on to MOPAC… slowly (a post for another time) So i accelerated (Go Honda 4 valve!) to pass him in the middle lane. Let it be noted that accelerating to 65 into the middle lane is by no means, a dangerous or reckless decision.

Then it happened. I saw a ladder… yes a LADDER, lying in the middle lane. It was just sitting there. Since the douche that got on MOPAC didnt have his headlights on, and i was accelerating into the lane watching him, i had NO time to react other then:

“hey, there is a ladder in the roa.. THUMP THUMP WOOOOOOOsssssssssssssssh”

I ran over a ladder and popped my right front tire. Let that sink in.

So I hobbled off the road. The kids were asking many questions of what was going on and I silenced them with a hand wave and a “not now children”. I got out and looked at the damage. Here is where it gets interesting. Running over a ladder randomly in this universe cost ME hours of frustration. Some guy was drinking his Monster drink and didnt tie his ladder down and now I have to deal with the aftermath. Note: the ladder was mangled at the side of the road, so i guess he lost his ladder. Touche universe, touche.

Highlights from the 2 day event:

• I called Jessica to rescue the kids and get them home. It was cold and changing the dead tire to my spare was going to take some time, then Gary called. He said, “we are heading over to say hi.” I said, ” i am on mopac/braker with a smashed tire. He said, “We were just up there.” I said, “watch out for a ladder in the road” Very odd timing for Gary to contact me right when all this happened.
• I called 311 to tell them that there was a ladder in the road. They told me to call APD to do a report. I called APD, they said we dont take reports for ladders in the road
• I got my spare out and changed the tire. I do love physics: how cool is it that i can turn a crank and lift a car? Forget unicorns and religion, i will take the real world anytime!
• The spare seemed flat, so i went over to the air machine and started pumping it up, after finding spare change. Who uses cash anymore? I dropped 2 bucks trying to get the spare filled. So i started driving and the spare went flat and started flapping. I drove to the next gas station hoping to find another air machine. When i got to the next station, the part of the tire that has the input for the air was GONE. I moved the car back and forth thinking i just couldnt find it… nope, it had torn off during my drive to the new gas station.
• The next gas station got weird: I went in and the Indian manager wouldnt put the phone down when i asked him how far a spare would last, if he understood me at all. Also, there was a guy with marbles in his mouth (not literally, he sounded like he had them) from another country that had a heavy accent. He was purchasing a jug of water and pouring out the water just for the container. The Indian manager was leery of this guy buying water and pouring it out without paying first.
• I drove 10 miles an hour on the side roads at 9pm. The hills were a bitch cause the spare was just shredding by this point. Just had to get home. A car2go was behind me and he got angry (dude, i had my hazards on and my car was leaning heavily to one side.) He flashed his high beams and tried to pass me on the right in the bike lane (small car…) then he whizzed by me on the left in a huff. a car2go… so much for a socially aware, NPR listening, kind to animals image for that company
• Since i was going 5 miles an hour and not listening to the radio, since i had to listen to the thumping of the spare and if it went to hub grinding, then i would have to give up driving, my attention was acute. I saw something in the road with my headlights (the A4, without his headlights wouldnt have seen this.. ha justice) I saw what looked like money in the middle of the road in front of my car. Since i was going slow and had my hazards, i just stopped. got out of the car. leaned over and picked up the 20 bucks and got back in my car and started rolling 5 miles an hour. that 20 went to my tire replacement fund.
• I got back to the house and there was a party going on in my neighborhood. A massive truck with baylor sticker predominantly displayed was parked RIGHT in front of my house… when i needed the spot the most.
• The McAdams family and Jessica were waiting at the house with tea and smiles. Kids were all asleep and all was well.. until….
• Tthe next day i drove all the way down to lakeway where i had purchased the tires 2 years earlier. I asked them for a new wheel (a wheel = tire + metal part, FYI) for my car. Since i had bought them before here, i ASSUMED that they would give me the correct tire. Mind you, my car was back at the house with a flat spare. When i got back home, i changed the tire to find out that the tire they had given me was THE WRONG TIRE… THE WRONG TIRE. The kid at the shop said that it was the correct tire so i kept trying to spin this stupid tire around to fit it. Either i was stupid or something else was going on. So i drove BACK to the store to give them this dud of a tire. It turns out that SOMEBODY , 2 years earlier, wrote in the records that the car was a 1999 honda and they gave me the correct tire for a 1999 honda. Turns out that 1998 hondas were the last to have the old configuration of tire… they put the correct tires on 2 yrs ago, but the records were incorrect. Cost me hours and a sore back … but i did learn that i can really discus a flat spare tire quite a distance when angry… must be my workout gains!

You walked in and out my door….

This is the year of the Dictator Death(tm). We need that trifecata, so hopefully, Castro will leave us in the next 12 days. Count down.

All joking aside, this is a sad time for us humans. We are losing too many crazy dictators. Isn’t there something we can do? A telethon? Or BandAid?  There must be someway we can preserve our international entertainment. I plead with you, Dicators, take care of yourselves. Give in to your people, get cancer treatment early, stop smoking, stay away from your nuclear reactors, etc. Treat yourself with respect so that we might be able to continue to laugh. Don’t take the laugh away from the children. That would be soooo  totalitarian of you to make children cry.